It’s been a long and stressful week. Poor N has a nasty bout of rotavirus. He’s a very poorly little man, and is boffing and crapping for England. He’s been like this since Wednesday. Here are the main essentials for when the toddler falls ill.
1. Dioralyte – this stuff is liquid gold. I made the mistake of trying to force N to drink anything. Now, we syringe 5mls every 5 minutes (masked with the flavour of orange squash) and he’s taking it much better.
2. Vanish stain removal – There’s no way to keep a two year old glued to one spot, so you might find that your nice beige carpet is now stained a funny colour and is also omitting a very odd smell… shit mixed with sick, for example. This stuff works wonders.
3. A great sick bowl – We went for the leftover celebrations/quality street tubs from Christmas. Again, as above, you can’t keep a toddler glued to one spot so it’s usually fun to just follow them around with it under their nose just in case… and then the one second you want to scratch your nose, they miss the bowl completely and then paff on the floor. Here’s where you’ll need number 2.
4. Some decent nappies – Tesco nappies have now failed me more than once with trying to contain a literal shit storm, so we have gone back to ALDI. They will forever be my favourite nappies, and they’re buckets cheaper too.
5. A strong stomach – Ain’t nobody going to feel sorry for you if you throw your guts up whilst sorting out a vomit covered child at 2am, so get the fuck on with it and push those lumps down the plug hole. Becoming a parent has allowed me to realise that I do actually have a stomach of steel. (If only I had the bladder of steel to go with it…)
6. A washing machine – Pretty obvious, but that washing machine has to have the brute force behind it to do eleventy hundred loads of 90 degree cycles. I’m proud of my old girl, she’s probably the same age as me, (which is old in washing machine years) and has done me proud.
7. Good friends – that will come and make you a cup of tea (or ten) if you call them sobbing. If you’re really lucky, they’ll do your house work for you too.
8. Patience – Not many people can master having a piss and wiping with a toddler glued to your chest, but if it were an Olympic event, then I would for sure bring home the gold medal for GB. I’ve also been puked on more times than I can remember (twice in public), and have had little sleep.